So...here is my first post...

So many things to write about, and I haven't a clue where to start. I'm nervous, to be honest, but I've stopped caring about what anyone else has to say about my thoughts and opinions. They are my own, and they are just as important as the opinion of others.

If I say something you don't agree with, and you feel you HAVE to tell me about it, please be nice. If you're not, the results may not be...ideal.

That being said...here I go...

My name is Deka. At least, that's what I go by, and that is really all anyone needs to know. I have nothing to hide, per se', but I do believe in only giving your real name to those whom you trust. That being said, only my family, and those I consider family can use it. most of them don't. They call me Deka.

I have had a strange life. my childhood was mostly normal, aside from the rage my father held inside of him. I never understood why we had to receive his wrath every time something didn't go his way. To this day I fear a leather belt. Truth be told, I have a lot of trouble keeping my own anger and rage contained. I wonder if I get it from him? J has taught me a lot of good anger management skills these past two years. They have helped immensely. I think I may have been a lot better off otherwise. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. I think J's part in my life is drawing to an end. I'm saddened by it, because I love him very very much, but at the same time...there is W. W is perfect. I keep telling him how perfect he is, but he doesn't seem to believe me. instead, he tells me how perfect I am. It's rather disgusting how loving we are sometimes. He makes me think. He makes me smile. I was this way early on with my relationship with J, but not this level.

Just to be clear, I'm not cheating, nor have I ever cheated on J. We are in a poly amorous relationship. He knows everything going on with me, and vise versa.

moving along...

My tarot told me this morning that I had already lost him. Well, I think it was talking about him. the reading makes more sense if I put him there rather than my children. the rest of the reading didn't make sense with my children in the past. I'll never give up on them, regardless.